Social Skills Spotlight || Perspective-Taking
At this point in the year, your child has learned quite a few important social skills concepts. We’ve gone from learning what a social situation is to how each situation has hidden and expected rules we need to follow. Your child also did a deep dive into learning about their emotions and how to regulate and use strategies when they feel in the blue, yellow, or green zones. It may be helpful to follow up with your child for check-in and review!
For this month, we are shifting our focus to perspective-taking. For our younger kids, we find it can be helpful and more understandable to use the phrase, “standing in another person’s shoes.” Perspective-taking is part of the social awareness standard in CASEL and is a foundational skill for helping children make and keep friends, solve problems with more ease and flexibility, and increase their appreciation for diversity and people who are different from them.
For many Havern students, perspective-taking is a challenge, given that children with learning disabilities, ADHD, and/or ASD all have difficulty (for different reasons) being able to see the point of view of another. As a consequence, your child may be prone to becoming “stuck” or “rigid.” This means they experience BIG emotions and “dig in their heels” when they feel that things aren’t going their way, they have to shift from a preferred task to a non-preferred task (hello video games to homework), or even if dad is taking them to school today rather than mom. They are simply unable or have difficulty seeing the view of another or “putting themselves in the other person’s shoes.” This can also make it difficult to come up with a different way of seeing the situation.
For the children described above, perspective-taking is an especially important skill. Why is that? Because empathy is at the core of perspective-taking. Through these teaching and learning opportunities, your child begins to understand that other people have different thoughts and feelings from them (which is OK!). They also begin to understand that the other person may see or experience the situation differently from them. Collectively, they can start to become more open to the other person’s experience, which can increase compassion and empathy. This, in turn, can help your child be more flexible, work through problems with peers, and lessen the chance that relational challenges arise in the first place!
To help your child with this skill, it’s important they understand both the WHY and HOW. With practice, practice, practice (plus lots of contingent validation/praise on their efforts), it can have a big payoff!
The Why:
Perspective-taking or “putting ourselves in others’ shoes” helps us better understand how other people feel, think, and see the situation. This helps us work through problems, make and keep friends and appreciate differences in others. The latter helps us build more connected and positive communities (which includes your child’s classroom!)
The How:
Start by reviewing the definition of thoughts and feelings and provide examples of each
Thoughts are words, ideas, and pictures in our heads (“I am thinking of what we are going to make for dinner tonight!”)
Feelings are emotions we experience in our body (sad, mad, scared, worried, happy, excited, etc.)
Plus make sure to remind your child that everyone has different thoughts and feelings from their own and that’s OK!
Model what perspective-taking looks and sounds like and be explicit when reading or watching TV
How does this person see the situation? How were they feeling? Would you be feeling the same way? Or thinking the same things? Why/why not?
Help them be a “social detective” when working through social challenges.
You can do this by asking them what they think the person they had a conflict with was thinking and feeling
Then try to identify a helpful actionable solution for repairing the conflict (“What behavior/action could we do differently next time?” “What can we do to help make up with this person?”)
For older kids/kids for whom it may be developmentally appropriate, talk about social issues and how different cultures or races may experience the situation based on their life experiences.
For more ideas and information on social-emotional learning, check out CASEL’s video library and the blog, sociallyskilledkids!
References and Resources
CASEL Social-Emotional Learning Videos. Retrieved from https://rmpbs.pbslearningmedia.org/resource/social-awareness-social-emotional-learning/social-emotional-learning-video/
Sociallyskilledkids.com, Perspective Taking.Readbrightly.com, 12 Books That Model Empathy and Compassion for Young Readers. Retrieved from https://www.sociallyskilledkids.com/perspective-taking
Bronwyn Lehman, Ph.D., LP
Dr. Bronwyn Lehman is Havern’s Director of Therapies. She is a proud Penn State alum, where she studied journalism. After working as a classroom aide in a low incidence classroom for kids with multiple disabilities, she decided to follow in the footsteps of her mother, who is a 30+ year school psychologist. Dr. B completed her Masters and Educational Specialist degree in School Psychology at National Louis University in Chicago. After working in a public school in Cincinnati, she decided she wanted to learn more about how the brain works and decided to pursue her doctorate in School Psychology. Dr. B received her PhD from the University of Northern Colorado. Dr. B says, “I was drawn to working with kids with ADHD and learning disabilities. I wanted to learn how they learn and become an advocate for their needs. I could help be a voice for them and help their parents and teachers better understand their needs and challenges as well as their strengths!”
